fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
