He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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