could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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