this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize