I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
