I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
