eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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