My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
