You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
