....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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