how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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