but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
