i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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