It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
