dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
