I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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