I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize