I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
