i don't plan on having that self control this summer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
