There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
