To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
