I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
