I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
