i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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