I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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