I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
