Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize