My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
