The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
