How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
