DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
