flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
