He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
