so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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