I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
