bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize