i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wear drunk well.
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