You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I smell like Dick and happiness
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