I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
