He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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