I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She even gives head with a lisp.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
