I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
