Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
