On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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