I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
