Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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