he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
