my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
