Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
