New invention idea: vibrating tampons
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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