if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you had me at cake vodka
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
