Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
