you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
