I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
