She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
