I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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