I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
