Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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