wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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