Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
