really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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