I just made out with a guy for $7.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
