did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
