She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
