I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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