This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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