If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
