Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize